Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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