We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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