I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I love you.
Bad choice
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