That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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