My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
