oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i think i just lost a toe
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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