No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
