Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You are the jesus of drinking
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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