I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
