I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
