I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
