My underwear smells like fireworks.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
