i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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