my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
