Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
