booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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