dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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