Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think i peed on brittanys purse
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
