My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
