I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
