there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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