I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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