birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
