Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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