from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
