yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
