I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
