i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
