Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
