she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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