She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize