Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
