She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
