literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
