Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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