you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
