just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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