I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
