i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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