at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
