i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
