You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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