This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
