So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
