no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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