I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
