I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
