well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
