Even water is tasting like jack daniels
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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