My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
