i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
