I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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