the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
