i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
