I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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