im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
