Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
