and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
