So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
