Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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