Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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