Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
