i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
