I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
