I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
