I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she peed on how many people?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
