I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
