shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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