We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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