We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
